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Well i guess its been awhile since ive updated this thing..

Ive learned alot in the past year..

dont get into a relationship with a man who keeps downgrading your wants and needs..

Dont settle.. absolutely no damn settling.

My current relationship is as rocky as mount rushmore.. yet i keep trying and he continues not to try...

he even thinks i dont kno what kinda bullshit hes been up to lately online.. i keep seein this damn craigslist thread for encounters on his screen... for the past 3 weeks and i asked him about it and hes like,.. im laughing at these ppl who are lookin for ppl online.. motherfucker dont play me.. you dont log in that damn often every damn day to look at ppl.. fuck that..

so.. ive been looking for places with and without him..

i have needs wants and desires too.. and right now none of them are being met..

he keeps handing out ultimatums.. ill have one soon.. and it will be final

mesha is moving to the beach this summer.. imma love it.

with or without him.. yes i prefer with.. but i can do bad by my got dammed self.

Im tired of the shit.. the constant his way or the highway..

Ive done it by myself.. and was happy..

im doing it with him and all i am.. is angry.. sad or distraught.

He dosent even seem to care that he just picks little petty ass arguements..

maybe hes just trying to be a dick.. so that i can leave him.. so he wont feel bad..

maybe...

maybe i will..

We went a month and a half without sex..

i havent had any oral since.. he got back from annual training last year!

nevertheless..

i still stay..

when he isnt.. and has not forfilled any part of this relationship in a long time.

Promises of a better tomorrow never to come..

hopes of a future that dosent exist..

imma grow up.. get out.. and get married and have somebodys kids..

at least they will actually want those things with me..

i mean he dosent even want those things..

not even for me.. with me.. nothing..

the only future he can promise me.. and has promised me was him in a casket and me a fat check when its all said and done..

fuck the money.. i can only live once..

in life youhave one shot to give it your all.. and im not going to miss out because he wants to be everyones hero besides mine.

Well i guess its been awhile since ive updated this thing..

Ive learned alot in the past year..

dont get into a relationship with a man who keeps downgrading your wants and needs..

Dont settle.. absolutely no damn settling.

My current relationship is as rocky as mount rushmore.. yet i keep trying and he continues not to try...

he even thinks i dont kno what kinda bullshit hes been up to lately online.. i keep seein this damn craigslist thread for encounters on his screen... for the past 3 weeks and i asked him about it and hes like,.. im laughing at these ppl who are lookin for ppl online.. motherfucker dont play me.. you dont log in that damn often every damn day to look at ppl.. fuck that..

so.. ive been looking for places with and without him..

i have needs wants and desires too.. and right now none of them are being met..

he keeps handing out ultimatums.. ill have one soon.. and it will be final

mesha is moving to the beach this summer.. imma love it.

with or without him.. yes i prefer with.. but i can do bad by my got dammed self.

Im tired of the shit.. the constant his way or the

I�cant help but drown,

My last breath came at sundown...

No longer immune,

My soul now walks under the moon...

Slowly becoming a shadow,

I now wait for the final deathblow....

So my friend (Cassie) has this boyfriend. And they have only been dating for a little over a month. But he is a man whore and she has already been shirtless in front of him. I know that he is going to pressure her to do more. And she, being the way she is, will either let him or say no. and if she says no he will get bored and break up with her. She is crazy about him, but honestly I�don't like him. He is jst a jerk to all of her friends. And it's so gross because he is constantly pulling her away from the group and grabbing her butt in front of al of us. It's disgusting. I just want her to know what I�really think of him. because how would she know? I'm not the type of person who enjoys confrontation. Ugh, I jst don't know.

-Jess.

VARSITY!

aha! a freshman making varsity! not too many kids do that!
i am beyond excited, you have absolutely no idea!
i have worked so hard in the past two years on doing this.
it's the greatest thing that has happened to me this year.
both me and morgan made varsity, the only two freshman.
i am really excited because me and morgan have had the hardest pasts.
so me and her make varsity, the two most worthy.
this is the best feeling in the world!

VARSITY!

aha! a freshman making varsity! not too many kids do that!
i am beyond excited, you have absolutely no idea!
i have worked so hard in the past two years on doing this.
it's the greatest thing that has happened to me this year.
both me and morgan made varsity, the only two freshman.
i am really excited because me and morgan have had the hardest pasts.
so me and her make varsity, the two most worthy.
this is the best feeling in the world!

I hear you whispers in the night,

Telling me to get out of you sight...

Never knew you could cause so much pain,

My pillow now tear stained...

You left me on that old back road,

While I watched my heart explode....

Never new I could feel this empty,

Knowing my heart know beats falsely....

I'm back =D�

do you understand what i'm trying to say? Sometimes, you can care so much about what other people think of you that you lose your entire self along the way. Till you realize... having them think you're great wasn't really worth it. You look back and see that your shadow is gone.

I love me when:

i excercise

i make somebody smile

i make it clear to what i want

i think about how many days are left till i board a plane

i love me. and nobody could stop me.

i don't need them right? no.. not really.

HEHA>

I haven't been on the computer for a month =D�it's my record. =D�I dunno why. Sometimes, afterschool i just wanna get away from socializing since i suck at it. antisocial? i duno. don't ask me.

I�hate mr. braid. he sucks. hes the worse physed teacher anybody could get.� NO OFFENCE

Tomorrow's gonna be the worse day of my life. Friday's gonna be hell on earth.

WHy am i writing an entry? because.. i'm trying to connect to myself. and .. to accept myself. I need to write a journal entry =D�

Self-love, self-acceptance, unconditional love and compassion for others, inner peace, harmony and balance.

Try: Keep a gratitude journal, show compassion and kindness toward yourself and others, forgive yourself and others, buy yourself a special gift, listen to beautiful music.

OR a gratitude journal.

�

what� am i grateful for,

�

okay lets start with ... 10 good things about my day

1. I got some spaghetti from Brittany.

2.�I showered

3. i finished the 4th season of Lost. ( i know.. i'm not up to date)

4. I�had fun in LA

5. i GOT married. again!�heha

6. I divorced

7. i have a signiture wedding walk

8. I have at least 5 friends i could count on in LJHS

9. I found a nice guy to talk to .=D�

10. FINALLY. I�... figured there's no use feeling sorry for myself.

�

SO. there are many nice people in the world. how come i never came around to see them? I�should slow down my life and take it the way i did. a slow steady pace. maybe i'd learn to appreciate who i am now. appreciate those around me =D because i love them. i gotta remember that. (writes on hand)�woah. i love me. =D�

THANK YOU SO MUCH

BLAHBEE